Wednesday

"Hello everyone, I've been in a relationship for 8 years and the past one year plus has been filled with more downs and lots of arguments. He wants to be financially stable before he gets married. We live in different states and hardly see each other, even when I visit him, he is still busy. Conversations turn into tiffs and its always that I don't respect him or I did this or that wrong. I don't know how to talk to him etc.We hardly do any activity together, even when suggestions were made e.g to take a trip together or pursue a similar hobby..Is time to move on?"


Wow, 8 years! OK..first thought...I'm wondering how your relationship has been the past 8 years. I am thinking about that because 8 good years compared to one year of tiffs seems okay in the sense that plenty of couples who have been together for several years have their share of rough patches. On the other hand 8 rough years compared to one extra rough year..well that's a little different. I'm not certain but for the sake of your question I am going to assume that the 8 years has most likely been a mix of great times and rough times. You two have managed to make it work for this long. It seems like you are the pursuer in your relationship right now. You are coming up with the ideas, trying to keep everything together and make it work. He on the other hand is distancing himself for reasons not mentioned in your comment. Unless marriage is the reason. There are plenty of reasons I can think of and fill this whole page with. It also seems like the more you try to connect, the more he tries to disconnect and then blame you. In order for you to move forward either together or apart I think a conversation is in order. At this point it sounds very one sided. He has to be able to open up and share what his faults are and not only place the blame on you. The argument you are having can go many different ways. One idea is that he points the finger at you and then you point it right back to him. There two people in this dance and both parties have a part in the arguments and tiffs. Owning up and admitting your part is a start..maybe he will be more willing to actually listen to what you are saying. Let's face it, when you are yelling and arguing you're not really listening. There's so much emotion that you are mostly just feeling and reacting. Make it a point not to get defensive but to listen and not react. Letter's a great too. I know you said you don't know how to talk to him...try writing your thoughts out on paper just for you and then go have the conversation. You could also write a letter telling him that you want to have a conversation etc. It may take more than one talk so give it a fair try. After the talk I would suggest you get out your paper and write out your thoughts and assess. I would imagine you do not want to throw away 8 years but at the same time I'm sure you don't want to beat a dead horse either.

No comments:

Post a Comment