I broke up with an ex 4 years ago but have recently realized he was a great guy who i took for granted. I got back in touch with him 8 months ago and the more we talk and spend time together the deeper my feelings for him grow. i want to get back together with him but he keeps telling me it can't happen because of the way things ended in the past, i really want to move on but i can't as i have fallen back in love with him. how do i move on from him?

Four years is a significant amount of time. A lot of change can happen in four years and sometimes it takes for us to be out of situation to look back and reflect. It’s a good thing that you can look back and realize alright maybe I took him for granted…if that’s the role you played in the ending of your relationship own it..which from the sounds of it you are. Still be careful not to completely blame yourself because both of you had a role in the way things ended. The next step would be to accept what happened and what I mean by that is you can’t go back and undo or redo. So now that you are back in contact and have been getting to know one another again you have fallen back in love. Ask yourself what is his role in this? Did you fall back in love all on your own? Were the feelings mutual? I highly doubt you just fell back in love all on your own and he had nothing to do with it. I could go on and on about that and the reasons why you two are where you are right now…But! That wasn’t the question. What I hear from you is that you would like to move on. Seems to me that he told you no and you said ok I respect that and I am moving on. It’s not good to try to convince someone to be with you and it seems that you understand that. Time heals all when it comes to moving on. I know its soo cliché but it does. When your heart is really involved it’s so hard to just move on…but here are a few tips. Spend time with the people you love and the ones who love you. Talk it out with someone you trust. Its good to get your feelings out and have someone support you. Stay away from sad songs! That will have you feeling down and stuck. Try to do things that make you feel things that you enjoy. It might be best to take a break from talking to this guy. Put yourself first right now so that you can move on and be good and ready for your next relationship when you feel its time. I think an important part in this is recognizing that sometimes what we want isn’t what we need no matter how appealing it is or how right it feels. It may not be for you or the timing isn’t right.

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