My boyfriend and I currently live together and we have plans to get engaged and then married in the near future (VERY SOON). My mom is completely against marriage. She doesn’t think anyone should get married. I understand that her marriage didn’t turn out as she intended but I want to be able to tell my mom about my engagement and not get a negative response. I don’t want to disappoint my mom. What should I say to her?

Traditionally, moms play a big part in a woman’s big day. Besides your closest friends, your mom is most likely the first person you want to announce your wedding news to. I think that if your mom doesn’t know where you stand on the matter of marriage, she won’t know how you feel about it or if she is saying something that is hurtful to you. I’m not sure if your mom thinks you have the same views as her regarding marriage or if she’s even thought about that…either way I think it’s important to let your mom know how you feel. Let her know that marriage is something you value and something you want. Also, let her know your feelings about not wanting to disappoint her. Sounds like a very, very sensitive subject for your mom so you want to make sure that you consider her feelings. Marriage and weddings can bring up a lot of feelings. Some feelings are happy but some not so much especially if you did not have a successful marriage. Another feeling it can bring up is loss. Some say, “you are not losing a daughter but gaining a son”…but it can still feel like your mom is losing you. No one wants to feel alone so to help ease that my suggestion is that you and your mom have a long talk over a cup of tea… :) tea is soothing. I think you’ll need it because this is one tough conversation to have. Oh! I would also suggest talking before the engagement even happens because the last thing you want is to approach your mother soo excited to tell her the news and she dismisses you…you’d remember that pain forever. I know I did not tell you exactly what to say but I hope this gives you something to think about and guides your conversation.

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