Saturday

Hello, I am a 28 year old man. I have been single since July 2011 when my child's mother and I ended our relationship. We were together since my Sophomore and her Freshman year in college. Both were young and made mistakes along the way but I had to end the relationship due to a lack of trust. I began to talk to and date again 6 or so months after we separated. Nothing too serious in mind at the time, just having fun and seeing what was out there. I have turned down several attempts to get more serious, because I didn't feel I was ready to get back in a committed relationship. Now that I gave you brief background, here is where I would like some advice... Now I have been "talking to" and dating several different ladies at once (I am single so I feel that I have that right to do so). Some of them we just talk and see each other sparingly, while others I have spent more time with and our level of involvement is more intimate. I don't lie or lead any of them on to believe that they are the only one. My issue is I am considering getting more serious or more committed to just one lady. I am a nice guy and don't like to hurt anyone's feelings. What is the best way to, for a lack of better words, "cut the others off"? I know I prefer to have closure when a lady moves on from me, but ladies by nature are more emotional and I want to be mindful of that and I don't want any hard feelings towards me.... How should I end the situationships with the ladies that I don't see myself with, in a one on one committed relationship? Thanks in advance!


I think it’s great that you have been honest with these women. Letting them know that you are not exclusive, makes it so that the expectation that you are going to be committed to that one person, is nonexistent (at least that was your intent). I also like that you are willing to step outside of yourself and look at this from their end, being mindful that this could be hurtful. Relationships and “sitautionships” can be hurtful at times (that sort of comes along with it) but it doesn’t hurt to try to make it a little less painful. You have been honest with these women thus far so my advice is to continue to do so. Details can sting really badly and quite frankly it’s not really their business what your reasons are for parting ways. You can tell them that you have reached a point in your life where you no longer desire to have multiple relationships. You could also let them know that you appreciate the time you have spent together and wish them nothing but happiness etc (something like that). I have to tell you, this question is a tough one because there’s endless possibilities. Maybe you are dating multiple people and so are these other women. Or it could be that some are dating others and some are only interested in you. Breaking this to one woman might be okay to her because she’s got this other person over there, or it could be “NOOOO I don’t want it to end”. OR!! All the talk about ending the multiple relationships could make them think you are talking about committing to that woman. I say this just to say that you should be as clear as possible. Who knows if it will be appreciated that’s more of their issue than yours. I think that if you’re the kind of person to be mindful and honest then continue to be true to the person you are. Typically in situations such as this one you want it to go as quickly as possible. I’m not saying that the conversation should last hours and hours or days, but open up the space for the conversation and do not rush it. I hope this helps.

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