Sunday

I have been with my bf for 5 years, we aren't engaged and we don't have any kids. I’m not on birth control and I’m actually a little afraid that we may not be able to have children, time will tell. For the past year I’ve had issues breaking down when I see children or see people getting engaged or married. I asked him about marriage and children and he said both are out of his control. When I asked him what this meant, he said we have more important things to deal with, and that we have many more years to worry about those things. I was hurt. I don't know how to feel but being a wife and parent are two of the most important things to me, and he knows that.


The first question that comes to mind is when did you two discuss children and marriage originally? I’m wondering how far into your relationship did this come up. I ask this because your partner’s response seems dismissive to a topic that is of the utmost importance to you. On your end, what is more important than building a life together and having a family? Ask yourself: Why now? (and) Do you and your partner want the same things? Sounds like he did not say no, but instead is saying not right now. What are the more important things he wants to focus on before a family/marriage? Discussing what those things are is important for the both of you. It can be confusing for you, if he has some master plan that could in fact be a very good plan, but you had no say in it or idea about it. It is also sticky to have the expectation that he wants what you want when you want it. I think that an important step in your relationship is mutual agreement. So far you have both agreed to begin and maintain your relationship and now it is time to discuss future plans....again. You both have to want it. Would be be happy getting married because it was what the other one wanted and not the both of you? I say this all of the time and I believe it, timing is everything. Let’s say you do become pregnant, and he’s not ready for that. I think it’s important that you both get a better understanding of what you want and discuss it together. As far as marriage and children being out of his control, I personally do not believe that entirely, although I think I know what he means. Sounds to me like there are certain things he wants to happen first and if that is the case, specifics would help. You are where you should be right now. It’s tough! It’s sooooo tough not to compare your life to those around you. Once you reach a certain age, it seems like everyone is getting married and having a baby. Huge life milestones! Everyone’s journey is different. I think you should try not to place extra pressure on yourself to be somewhere else in life. Your journey is your own and different. Embrace that and enjoy it as much as you can.

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