Wednesday

So I'm a 21 year old lady and I've been on and off with the same guy for a little over 4 years. More on than off. The last time we broke up was over 2 years ago and since then things have been great. We even moved in together. Now I'm not going to make it seem like the perfect relationship because it wasn't. We had problems like a normal couple but we would easily settle our differences by talking through them. Fast forward to present day. I have a guy friend who is in the army and will soon be going over seas. Over a comment on Facebook I said "I would like to see you before you leave" and he got upset over it. Now it was totally harmless on my side but I could see where it could be taken the wrong way. I was at work when I received a message that he had left his keys on the nightstand and I was totally blindsided. It can take him a couple days to cool down and talk but since then I've been talking to a brick wall. Is it time to move on? Sorry if it was a little lengthy.


So from what I gather, it all started from your post on Facebook to your friend “I would like to see you before you leave”. It seems harmless in my opinion, although I do not know the back-story. Sounds like insecurity and trust issues in the relationship. You’ve been together for a significant amount of time and although you have been more on than off it seems that commitment may be an issue as well (although that seems developmentally appropriate). So is it time to move on? Let’s look at the facts. You wrote a comment on Facebook and he moves out. I’m thinking there has to be more to it than that. I’m wondering what your breakup pattern is? Couples break up to make up all of the time. Does he want you to beg him to come back? Is it an ego thing? Was this too long of an “on” period in your on and off relationship? Or maybe this was his “excuse” to exit the relationship. Whatever the reason is he may not have verbally communicated to you, but his exit when you weren’t home was a huge statement. Why not wait until you get home to talk about it? Why not give you the benefit of the doubt? Sounds like the trust and insecurity issues have taken center stage and that is a lot to work through. Moving on? Well that depends on if you are both willing to do the work. Only if you BOTH are willing. I think security in a relationship is important, and if you don’t feel that or have that I’m not sure how successful you’ll be. I think there is more to it, I don’t think a comment on Facebook would be enough to leave unless there were other things going on and that was the icing on the cake or like I said before an excuse to leave. He may need to cool down for a bit, that is true. If talking to him is like talking to a brick wall, stop talking because most likely he’s not listening and you are wasting your breath. If he wants to talk he knows your number and where you live. If you're not sure if it is time to move on, give him a week and see what he does. Two people have to make some sort of effort. Oh! one last thing. I think it would be a good idea to really think about your relationship pattern concerning being on and off. Think about what has happened in the past when you broke up and got back together. Were there certain things you both agreed to do or not do moving forward? Ok, so now ask yourself... were those things valued? Writing it down may help.  If you do more of the same and it doesn't seem to be working, my advice would be to do something different this time. 

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