Thursday

Hi I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 28. We've been dating for about 6 months now. He loves me so much and respects me. I love him so much too but I think he loves me more than I love him. Mostly because I'm kinda scared to fully trust, not just him, I'm like that with most people. He's the sweetest, kindest person I know. He hasn't met my parents yet only because I'm kinda of scared as to what they'd think, especially because they wouldn't seem so welcoming to the idea of me in a relationship now. Also, I'm a sophomore in college taking nursing, but my boyfriend barely graduated high school due to certain circumstances. He has taken his GED and passed and is working towards becoming a cop, he's currently taking classes (college credits) but is not yet in a degree program, he learned most of his English speaking from the streets as well, therefore he doesn't speak so well or write well in English. He knows all of this and admits he truly wants better for himself, he tells me to teach him and correct him each time I notice he makes mistakes. He's also working on applications to get into a good college and focus on a degree program. I know he's trying his best to better, but I'm scared what people would think, especially if my family or friends finds out he's actually going through this. I support him all the way and want to be there for him because he's counting on me too. I'm just worried that he might not be who I want him to be as a man confident, articulate e.t.c. I love him so much and care about him, I also want to be there for him because he really wants to do good for himself and me. I'm scared what people would think, would they say I'm settling or I'm stupid and my parents too. I dont want anyone disappointed in my choice

Hi! I’m sitting here reading this like wow this must be so tough for you. I am going to try to help the best I can. First things first, I think that you should get a paper and pen or whatever you prefer to use and get ready to make a list. Write down all the qualities you would like the person who you are in a relationship with to have. Write down every last quality from the inside out and make sure that you don’t base this off of who you are already with. Next, write down all the qualities that you would hate the person you are in a relationship with to have. I’m sure you can guess the next step. Check the good and bad qualities that your boyfriend has. Take a good look at it, then ask yourself if you are settling. If you are worried that he may not be who you want as a man, worried about what your friends and family will think, and concerned that you are settling, explore that with someone you really trust. You have to be honest with yourself so that you can make the best decision for you. Don’t make a decision based on your boyfriend, not now, not at 19. This is the time to put YOU first. If the love is here now and it’s meant to be, it won’t go anywhere. It sounds like he needs to get himself together and figure out his next steps and take action. I’ll also add that trust is one of the most important factors in a relationship. In my opinion, it takes trust to fully love. I think it’s important to be a better ME before you can be a better WE. It seems that you have all this fear about what others will think and their disappointment but I’m wondering if that’s how you feel deep down somewhere. Take some time to make this list alone and then find someone you trust (besides your boyfriend) and talk it out with them. Talk to someone who you know is going to give it to you straight and be honest. There is nothing wrong with wanting what you want, just make sure to accept nothing less and put your happiness first. Thank you for asking! I hope this helps out :)
 

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