Thursday

Hi Erica, I wrote to you previously about having strong connection with a female while in a committed hetero relationship. I took your advice; I didn’t suppress my feelings, and I had a talk with her and found out that she is not interested in any sort of polyandrous relationship and I understand, it’s still a new concept to me. She, however, proceeds to tell me that if we were to maintain our friendship that it actually hurts her emotionally because she can’t be with me however when I ask her if it would be better not to talk, she said that that would also hurt her because we have gotten really close. I don’t know what to do, I feel really bad because I feel like no matter what I do I’m going to hurt her.


Thank you for updating me and coming back! I hear you, it didn’t go as you hopped and the bottom line is that you feel bad. I’m wondering how you felt when you didn’t suppress your feelings anymore? That was for YOU and no one else. If someone doesn’t give the information to you then you won’t know unless you ask and communicate with them. Sometimes we get the answer we want and other times we don’t but the good in this is that you got an answer. Ever hear the saying you can’t have your cake and eat it too? This sounds like one of those situations. You made it very clear to me that you are in a committed relationship and that you do not intend to leave your partner. If this is the case then you have already made your decision. Your friend says that she wants you in her life but that hurts and that it hurts to let you go. Your friend sounds confused. Never be in a relationship that is only ultimately based upon the other person’s decision. Can you continue this friendship? You may WANT to continue but can you really do it? Certain circumstances come up in relationships that change the relationship forever and this seems like one of those times. My opinion is to not move so hasty but to instead give each other space for a bit, then go back and see how you feel. If you and your friend want to remain friends it won’t be easy at first and will take time to establish a new relationship. A little space might help heal the hurt feelings. If you find that no space or time helped to heal the hurt feelings and you can’t make the friendship work then this is an opportunity to end this. This also won’t be easy and will most likely hurt but this gives your friend the chance to be with someone who can be with her and will take you out of this complicated situation.You say that you don't know what to do. All you can do is tell your friend that you are going to give her time and space to think about what she wants while you do the same. When you two come back and talk about your decisions the only thing to do is continue the friendship or end it. Sometimes being in a limbo type of situation is comforting because you don't really have to make a decision and nothing is permanent but that doesn't last forever. There comes a time when a tough decision has to be made. I hope this helps! Thanks for coming back and feel free to let me know what happens :) 

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