Monday

Hey Erica, I recently got engaged and everything has been going great up until now. My fiancé really wants to move to California to be near her family, but I'm not ready to be that far from my family. I tried to come up with a compromise and meet her halfway, maybe move somewhere right in the middle. But she won't listen. She keeps saying that I'm being unfair because we have been around my mom for 2 years, that I should pack up and move. Now she's at the point where she wants to call off everything. I love her so much. I don't know what else to do. I understand she misses her family, but I would miss mine too. Any ideas on how to save this?

Wow, this is a tough one. There are several factors that lead to a healthy relationship. One factor is happiness…fairness isn’t really one of those factors. What might be fair may not be best for your relationship. You could move to California, adjust, and really love it. On the other hand, you could move there, hate it, and be miserable. Both moves will have a lasting impact on your relationship and happiness. Compromise is really important and from the sound of it, you’ve tried that. I’m not sure if you originally moved to be near your mom or if that just so happens to be where you and your fiancé already lived. If this is the case, deciding to move near your fiancé’s family wouldn’t be fair if that is the argument. You and your fiancé have to have another talk about this and consider both of your points. You have to put yourself in her shoes and she’s got to put herself in yours. I think you will realize that you feel similar to one another, being that it is important to both of you to be near your family. At the end of it all, you both have to agree with the decision. It won’t work otherwise. If either of you sucks it up and takes one for the team, you risk resenting one another. As far as your fiancé wanting to call everything off…it sounds like she is pretty frustrated. I’m wondering if she feels heard. Make sure to really listen to one another and communicate in way that shows that you are listening. No one wants to feel like they are being blown off or that, their point isn’t being considered. I’ve always believed that home is where the heart is…and that as long as you love one another and are together, that’s home. Keep in mind that life throws curve balls and you may move one place and end up having to move somewhere else for several reasons. Yes, location is important and it’s great that you two have say so in where you live, but what’s more important in my opinion is who you’re with, not where. I think that you two should disregard what is fair and really focus in on what is best for your relationship. Make sure to consider the impact the move will have on your partner and yourself because that will directly impact your relationship. I suggest that you make a list and have your fiancé make a list and title it “What is best for our relationship” then review it with one another.  I hope this helps :)

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