Hello, 1st let me thank you for all that you do to help others. You are a blessing! My spouse and I have been married or 20+ years. We have had many ups and downs as in any marriage. At one point I felt very un loved and lonely which I did make known. This was a huge hurdle because my spouse verified the love wasn't where it should be. For many years we rode a roller coaster of highs and lows. We have a ton of history together & a beautiful family. The last year or so has been very trying for both of us. A lot of eye opening on both parts. After a lot of talking and tears we agree that we love each other however neither of us are in love with the other. Now by no means I do not feel it should be romance and all that "new love" feeling all the time I understand "life" changes things as it has changed the both of us and I feel we grew apart. Can a marriage last knowing we are no longer in love with each other? I do not want to have a failed marriage. I also do not want us to stay married out of habit or fear. I feel we should be in love. I see it as you can love anyone but to be in love that is something different. My spouse feels otherwise. What is your thoughts? Again thank you!

Hello! Thank you for your kind words and for stopping by :). 20+ years is a long time and rightfully so full of highs and lows. I think that it’s great that you're able to highlight the positives yet are aware of barriers and have already communicated this to your spouse. This really highlights your strength and dedication. After 20+ years, it is still possible to fall back in love again. Everyone is different as is every relationship but it is possible. Before you and your spouse agreed that you weren't in love anymore did you try to fall back in love with each other? I think it takes all that effort that was put forth in the beginning to maintain the “new love” feeling. I’m not saying it has to be all of the time but just reminders here and there that let’s you know that the in love feeling is still there. Do you two make time for each other? You mentioned that you have a beautiful family. Have you spent most of your time dedicated to your family and not each other as a couple? This reality is common for a lot of families and it’s so easy to get wrapped up in life and what we HAVE to do on a daily that somewhere you and your spouse lose each other. Do you know when that point was? Can you think back and remember when this happened? How did it happen that you are in this place and no longer in love? Do you want to be in love again? Does your spouse want to be in love again? To answer your question, a marriage can last knowing that you are no longer in love with each other but the question is, will that work for you. It depends on the agreement between you and your husband and what MARRIAGE means to you. Is a marriage without the in love part going to make you happy? If you want to be married and in love, you should be married and in love. Try exploring some of the questions I mentioned. Another question to explore is when you began to grow apart. Keep in mind that your timeline might be different from your spouse and that’s okay because it can give you more insight. I hear you say that you don’t want a failed married but you don’t want to stay in a marriage that no longer makes you happy. I think that from here, you should explore if you want to try to fall back in love again and how important your own personal happiness is to you. 

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