Tuesday

Hi Erica, I have big issue at hand and I'm slightly embarrassed by it. Well, here it goes... I can't get over my ex. They were the first person I ever actually been "in love" with. It has been 2-3 years now & I still think about them. Either if something reminds me of them or it just gets to the point that I end up thinking about them. I promise you it's not by choice I try sooooo hard not to & I always fail. It hits me even worse at night before bed. I prayed hard on it every night to try & make it stop because it's mentally painful & emotionally draining. She has moved on & I’m trying to figure out why can’t I? Do you know of any methods or ways I can't start using to help me forget? Or just ease the pain in general?

Hey! Thank you for stopping by. No need to feel embarrassed, this is completely anonymous. It’s so anonymous that I don’t even know who writes to me. Also rest assured that you aren't the only one with big issues such as this one! Ok so, can’t get over an ex. Let’s get to it. The first thing I’m wondering is how it ended. Was it a mutual decision? Did it end on good terms? Did you get to say all that you wanted? What about closure? Sometimes a hard goodbye or an unfinished goodbye can leave you stuck and unable to move on. Were you even able to talk and say goodbye etc? When you’re with someone who played a significant role in your life, it takes time to move on. Who says there is a time limit? There are plenty of factors that play into how you’re feeling today. I don’t know the full story but I’m wondering if there is guilt involved or regret? Guilt and regret can also leave one stuck, in pain, and emotionally drained. It is possible that you can’t move on because you don’t want to (really)…or it’s unfinished to you. So on to the methods. You won’t forget. Accept this. Can you move on without forgetting? Of course you can. You can do a few things. My go to is communication. I understand that your ex has moved on and you may not be able to talk to this person for several different reasons and if this is the case, write a letter to your ex but don’t send it. Keep the letter because this is about you. Write everything you wanted/want to say but didn’t/haven’t. Make it as long as you need to and then get rid of it. Burn it, put it inside of a balloon and let it go into the sky, something symbolic of letting go. It won’t be the end all be all but it’s a start. Do you have reminders of your ex around? Little things can be triggers. Give yourself permission to mourn the loss of your relationship. When a loved one passes away, years can go by and it doesn't make it any easier just because its been xyz years. Break ups are a loss too. Give yourself time and don’t pressure yourself to be over it when you're not. Have you been dating?(you don't have to date with the intention of a relationship but just a way to stay social, meet people, and get your feet wet) Do you surround yourself with uplifting people? I could ask questions all day and where I’m going with this is, yes you are sad about your ex, but what about the other areas in your life? Is it possible that these other areas play a role too? Could it be that you are lonely? There are plenty of factors to consider. I also recommend talking with someone whom you trust about your situation. It’s helpful to talk things out and get it out there. Own it and accept where you are right now. The sooner you do this, the sooner you can begin to move on. Also remember to consider the positives in this and what you have gained. There’s always something. Another tip is to consider how you spend your time. Do you spend time investing into yourself? For example, exercising or doing what you love/enjoy. The more time you spend on you the less time you will have to think about them. Keep in mind that it's a process and will take time and practice. Replace old triggers and reminders with new ones that have to do with yourself and try to make new memories. I hope this helps and gives you a start. 

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